Remembering the Fallen

Happy Memorial Day!

I was never lucky enough to be in the armed forces, but Memorial Day has always meant a lot to me because I value service to our country and I love war movies. I started off today by leaving an envelope full of cash at the Tomb of the Unknown Politician as I do every Memorial Day.

I thought of my dad’s service to our country hunting for foreign spies and my grandfather who never allowed himself to forget the Lusitania. This country owes so much to the men in my family and I know it’s a debt that can never be repaid.

One thing that really makes a big difference to me working the long hours of a Congressman and that’s why I’m happy to announce that this Memorial Day, Manny’s Discount Furniture (All 7 locations) is launching the exciting new Jack Kimble Mattress. This mattress is so incredibly comfortable that my alarm clock has officially become my worst non-liberal enemy. It is completely engineered for zero effort, featuring advanced motion isolation and a no-flip design so you never have to lift a finger. Honestly, I wouldn’t put my name on it after the raw chicken incident if I didn’t completely believe in this product. If I can get a good night’s sleep with my guilty conscience, just think how well you’ll sleep on a Kimble Mattress.

• The Finest in Bahraini Artisanal Craftsmanship: Hand-tufted by master craftsmen in to permanently secure internal layers without harsh chemical adhesives or shifting.

• Organic Cashmere Blend: Quilted with a breathable layer of furnace filters for natural temperature regulation.

• Zero-Motion Transfer: Advanced open-cell latex completely absorbs movement allowing you to enjoy pornographic material on your phone without disturbing your partner’s sleep.

• Adaptive Micro-Coils: Half-dozens of responsive, high-tensile steel micro-coils provide precision pressure relief and targeted spinal alignment.

• Hypoallergenic Talalay Latex: Naturally resistant to dust mites, mold, and body lice while offering buoyant, weightless support.

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